Psychology

At some point we all ask ourselves existential questions: What is my purpose? How does the world around me work? What role do I play in this world? Will Silent Hill Remake actually be a good game?
The truth is, nobody has absolute answers. We came into this world without a manual, and the only things we have to guide us are our experiences, what we’ve been taught, and our critical thinking. That’s what shapes our reality, but because it’s so subjective, my words may sound “right” or “wrong” depending on the eyes that read them.

I’m not here to convince anyone or prove that “I’m right.” I just want to share what I discovered over the past year: a big part of what I thought I knew about myself was wrong. And yes, humans are actually pretty damn predictable when you have the information needed to anticipate their responses.

I’m deeply grateful to those who helped me see the importance of dedicating time and resources not only to therapy, but also to reflecting and learning about psychology. I used to see it only as “technical literature” or “motivational garbage.” How wrong I was. Today I’m glad I was so stupidly wrong.

The origin of problems

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It doesn’t matter how much therapy you do or how many meds you take: if you don’t accept the root of your problems, any reasoning will be predisposed to maintain the status quo. The result: blaming external factors, confusion, and hopelessness.

And here’s the uncomfortable truth: most of the time, the problem is you.
Of course, there are people who are really fucked in every possible way, and it wouldn’t be fair to minimize that. But let’s be honest: in most cases, it’s our way of thinking and acting that multiplies our misery.

In my case, even when I achieved goals, the question always popped up: “And now, what the fuck is next?”. I couldn’t accept that I deserved the good things happening to me, so I kept sabotaging myself over and over again. Everything changed after a painful event this year: I realized that I was the main cause of my own misery. It didn’t matter what others did or said for me: I alone was responsible for the consequences of my decisions.

That day I had no theory or practice, but accepting that I was the problem was the foundation of everything. From there I began to recognize the mental and emotional armor I had built as a defense. At first it was painful, but with time the process stopped being horrifying and started to feel liberating.

On that path I’m very grateful to my psychiatrist, who recommended El arte de amargarse la vida. That book helped me identify how I myself was generating my misery. It didn’t give me all the tools to stop doing it, but it did teach me to recognize sabotage patterns and give them a name. Knowing this, I was able to start searching for the concepts and theories I needed to truly understand how those mechanisms worked. And that was enough to start wanting to change.

Self-knowledge

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Therapy doesn’t work passively: it’s not about the professional “fixing you” or “telling you how to be happy.” They provide tools and perspectives, but the real work depends on us.

The second book that was recommended to me was Los Seis Pilares de la Autoestima, thanks to my psychologist. Now I completely understand why. For me, that book is the theoretical foundation before any other.
First, accept that you are the origin of your own misery (El arte de amargarse la vida).
Then, build solid self-esteem (Los Seis Pilares de la Autoestima).

It’s not enough to logically understand that “I am enough to achieve what I want” and that “I deserve the reward for my actions.” That understanding is only the first step. Self-esteem doesn’t work only from reason —it needs to be fed and trained: through positive reinforcement, real experiences, and the constant learning that those phrases are not just words, but facts that become validated in practice.

It’s only in that process —when what I know becomes what I feel— that we stop sabotaging ourselves, start acting according to our purpose and values, and —finally— can live without the need to please others, but ourselves instead.

That said, it’s important to clarify: severe traumas must be treated by psychologists specialized in trauma. Overcoming them alone is extremely difficult. That’s why I always say: therapy is not optional.

Categories

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In addition to these two initial books, I’ve classified my recommendations by categories so that each person can prioritize according to their current situation.

For example: if my childhood experiences still weigh heavily on me, I would lean toward a book in the Childhood Trauma category rather than one in Life Skills. The latter can be useful, yes, but childhood traumas are deep roots that affect everything else. Time and energy are limited: don’t try to tackle everything at once. Prioritize based on what’s most important and most necessary in your life right now.

Goal

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I’m not here to provide a universal truth or convert anyone to “my way of thinking.” I just want to share what I discovered: that accepting my own responsibility, learning to recognize my sabotage patterns, and working on my self-esteem was the beginning of stopping myself from ruining my own life.

If you’re at a similar point, maybe these books can also be a good place to start.

Books

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