A book that teaches how to build and maintain secure and strong couple bonds through Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT).
Topic#
Couples therapy based on attachment.
Approach#
Attachment perspective with the view of love as a basic need and central axis for emotional well-being.
Why Read It#
- Translates attachment theory into practical exercises and conversations.
- Helps break cycles of disconnection and recurring conflict.
- Provides a common language to strengthen emotional communication.
Common Objections#
- “It idealizes love”: the model can be adapted for those who see love as a means, not necessarily an absolute end.
- “It’s very focused on traditional couples”: the principles apply to all types of relationships.
For Whom#
Couples who want to reinforce their emotional connection or resolve persistent conflicts.
Not For#
Relationships with abuse or active violence, where prior professional intervention is needed.
Key Ideas#
- Arguments often hide deep fears (rejection, abandonment).
- Secure connection is the foundation of intimacy and emotional resilience.
- The method proposes seven conversations to repair, reconnect, and strengthen the bond.
How to Apply#
- Identify negative interaction patterns.
- Practice accessibility, responsiveness, and emotional engagement (A.R.E.).
- Conduct weekly “reconnection rituals” to maintain intimacy.
Complementary Books#
- Comunicación no violenta — to improve the language of needs.
- The Secret of Successful Relationships — to integrate realistic expectations.